Thursday, August 15, 2019

Mental Health Update

So, I thought about starting this post off with a 'good morning and happy Thursday, friends' and then jumping into the excuse that I haven't posted all week because of how busy I've been with getting the kids to go back to school.  Well, for a lack of better words, that would just be total bullshit! 

This week has been hard as hell for me emotionally and I have struggled tremendously with trying to grasp and understand all the things that Todd and I have both remembered about our past together and things that have happened along the way. 

Now, let me back up and fill you guys in on exactly what I'm talking about so you're not out in left field.  I am sure most of you remember my post back in May where I filled you guys in on what all I was going through, and what I had truly thought was just a stimulant induced psychosis mixed with some really old repressed trauma.  While all of that was true, there was a lot more to my mental breakdown and psychosis than just the stimulants and the one traumatic incident that happened almost 19 years ago.  And when I say a lot more, I do mean a lot more, so much that there is no way for me to tell you guys our full story in just one blog post.  Heck, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to tell you guys our entire story in 50 different blog posts.  Either way, Todd and I do plan on telling our full story soon in a book we are working on.  This is something we have wanted to do for months now, but we have been letting our emotions and fear hold us back, but after lots of prayer I know now this is one thing that Todd and I were called to do.  When I say that, I don't mean that I think this was our one and only calling in life by any means, but I do think it was meant to be part of our journey in this crazy thing called life. 

I am pretty sure I have a lot of you scratching your heads and thinking, "What in the world is Caycee talking about...oh my goodness, this girl has truly lost it.", but I promise you I haven't.  Believe me, through all of this Todd and I have both had to question our own sanity several times, and question if maybe we were both just having mental breakdowns, but just when we both felt like giving up and have thought we were really losing it, we've been given evidence / proof to confirm that we are indeed not crazy, and that these things we're both remembering did actually happen. 

I really really wish I could tell you guys more, and better explain in detail what all I'm talking about, but at this time I am just not able to for many reasons. 

Before I sign off today, I do want to share a little about gaslighting with you.  Gaslighting is something that was done to Todd almost all of his life and then it was done to us both after we got married.  It's a real thing, and through all of this, I am finding out that it happens to people all the time...and nine times out of ten, the person that it's happening to doesn't even realize it's happening. My hopes in sharing these signs to look out for, is that if this is happening to you or someone you love, that you realize you're not going crazy and that the person gaslighting you is the one with the mental issues.

And last, because I do not want to end this post on a negative note, I wanted to tell you that while Todd and I are working on our book, I am still planning on keeping this little blog going with our daily life, fashion, organization, mental health, recipes, and of course, updates on my pregnancy and all things baby that we're planning for this sweet baby GIRL!! 

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