Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Closing the door to negative

This is something that I have written in my head a millions times, but posting it just never seemed quite right, that is, until this past weekend.  Over the weekend, I made a promise to myself, my friends, and my family that I would no longer look at the negative, hurtful, and untrue things written about me on my GOMI thread.  Now let me say, not everything written there is mean and untrue. There have actually been a few on there that say kind things and have even tried to defend me.  I would secretly find myself feeling so relieved when I would see them comment, but it wouldn't be long before the others would come firing back.  I am not saying I am perfect by any means, heck, I have plenty of issues, but reading the comments daily was really starting to take a toll on me.  I would think to myself, "If they hate me so much, why don't they just stop reading my blog?".  What I really needed to do was take the advice that I wanted to give them.  If I couldn't stand to read the things written about me, then maybe I should stop reading their comments.   

I  understand that I write a public blog and I know with that comes criticism and judgement.  What I can't understand is the name calling, body snarking, and the degrading comments about me as a wife and a mother.  I have slowly realized that I probably never will understand this, and the thing is, I now realize that I am not sure I truly want to.  As a person, I don't really want to know anything at all about tearing someone else down, I want to feel that I have built someone else up at the end of the day. 

I would be completely lying to you guys if I told you the things that I read about myself and my family didn't sting like hell. To be honest, I would get a pit in my stomach every morning as I would go on there to see what had been said, but yet I would still come back to look.  I was trying to convince myself that maybe the criticism would help be become a better blogger, and that maybe I needed to hear what they had to say, but this was not reality.  I never left there feeling inspired, instead, I left feeling down and unworthy.  I would also start questioning things about myself, things about myself that had never even crossed my mind, and I would let these thoughts consume me.  It wasn't healthy for me or my family.  I know I can't control what other people say about me, the only thing I can control is how I react to it, or better yet, not react to it.  Sometimes no reaction is the best reaction. 

Life may not be perfect and I know I am certainly not perfect, but I sure as heck have a lot to be happy and thankful for. That being said, these are the things I am going to choose to focus on from now on. 

I know I had a lot of you wondering where that haters quote came from on my Instagram.  The truth is, I probably shouldn't have posted that.  I'll admit, it was immature, but it came from a place of hurt and anger.  I really felt like doing this post was something I needed to get off of my chest and to finally close this chapter of negativity in my life. 

I am really excited to focus on all the positive in my life!  As far as this blog, you guys are the ones that make me smile, build me up, and make me love writing my posts each day!