Friday, April 26, 2013

Dirty Secret.......

I obsess! I obsess very badly, and when something gets stuck in my head it consumes me. You all know how hard I have worked to get my body back after my two babies. You have all been so amazing, supportive, and so very complimentary to me. But there is something on my body that does not look good. Honestly I would lie if I said there was a day that didn't pass that I didn't think about it. I hope by telling you this I don't come off as vain, because I am not. It's just something that I can not help, and it's pretty sad how upset it makes me. It's my stomach and the horrible stretch marks that I got with Carson. No I didn't gain a bunch of weight, I had a rare case where I gained 20lbs of fluid my last week of pregnancy. But who cares if I did gain a bunch of weight and that was the reason!  I know you're probably all thinking girl get over yourself, we all have flaws. But it has seriously become a problem that sometimes makes me cry and get into fights with Todd because all I can do is whine about it. It's my really BIG insecurity!  So yesterday while with some of my good friends I brought it up, and asked them if they honestly thought I should wear a two piece this summer or a one piece. (now I love these girls, and I wanted them to be honest). But a few of them said they would wear a one piece if they were me. Again I asked and wanted the truth, and I know they were not being mean, but I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt to hear that. I came home and cried to Todd yet again, and just felt defeated in all of my hard work. I am not sure why I am even writing this and telling you all this, but I feel like I am always open and real about my thoughts and feelings, so it seemed I needed to let it all out. Sorry to be debbie downer on Friday ladies. Hey it's sunny and Friday, things will be just fine ;)

What my stomach really looks like: