Wednesday, May 18, 2016

My Anxiety Part 3

I am not sure how, but it has been almost two years since I have shared an update on this topic.  I think it's honestly because I am much more guarded now than I once was on this blog.  But, if you know me in real life, then you know the word 'guarded' and Caycee normally do not go in the same sentence.  Each of us have our own life, and we may not all share the same struggles or opinions on things, but at then end of the day, I think we are all just trying doing the best we can. 

Over the last two years a lot of my anxiety in certain areas have improved, but I can't say the anxiety has disappeared and I definitely still have some.  I do think my weekly therapy and my daily 10 mg of Lexapro help me keep it under control, and I can honestly say I feel happier and more at peace with certain things. 

I have really tried hard to train my brain to focus on the good things in my life instead of harping on the things that get me down or that aren't perfect.  Don't get me wrong, it's still a struggle, but I find that the more I do this the easier it gets and the better I feel. 

Below, I wanted to share a few things with you guys that I feel so much better about, but I also want to share with you things that still bother me and the things I still struggle with. 

 I've let go of wanting and needing everyone to like and accept me.  This was one thing that brought me more anxiety than almost anything else in my life, and it kinda makes me sad that it took me this long to get over this.  I think writing a public blog made this area of my life that much harder for a while.  But with that said, after 31 years I have finally realized living life trying to make everyone love you and accept you isn't living life at all.  It can torture you and it's truly a battle you will never win.  So these days, I am just me, what you see is what you get and if you don't like it...well...bye Felicia! 

Letting go of this was huge because now my social anxiety has pretty much vanished as well.  I don't get nervous and my palms don't get sweaty like they once did when entering a crowd of people.  I mean, I don't know, maybe it's the Lexapro or the wine I have while I am there :)  But either way, I don't worry if I said something silly or shared too much the next day, because that's just my personality, it's just me.

 But then, there are other things I think I may just always battle with.  I still have anxiety about certain things first thing in the mornings.  No matter how busy or not busy my day is I feel overwhelmed at being able to get it all done.  Maybe it's the season of life I am in, or maybe it's just my own crazy brain that makes me feel this way, but either way, I still get really anxious in the mornings. 

I still get anxious about my appearance, which I know is so stupid, I know, but I still let myself get down about things people say.  I second guess wearing certain things because of how they may make my "bigger" legs look, or I am self-conscious about the way I smile in pictures because after extensive (and expensive) dental work I've had done.  After a bone graph, an implant, and a porcelain crown, my teeth still aren't perfect.  Then, I think about my children.  At 31 years old, if words like these can still hurt me, how will they make Taylor and Carson feel?  That's when I start to feel an entirely different level of anxiety. 

So this, my friends, is real life...no pretty outfits today, just real feelings and thoughts. 









16 comments:

  1. Thank you Caycee for sharing. You are very insightful & wise for someone your age! I'm about 20 years older than you and still struggle with some of the same things. Some of it is human nature I think! I've been inspired by your blog for a long time. You seem organized and proactive about a lot of things. I think you are so photogenic and have even tried to model myself after your happy smile! I've never been really photogenic and have to take a lot of pictures to get one good one! I think that's what we seen now in life. The edited or photoshopped things. Thanks for being so real! We will love you no matter what! Have a wonderful day!

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  2. I've been reading your blog for about 2 years now, and while I love your fashion posts and pictures of your fun nights out with friends, it's very refreshing to also read a post like this. So honest. So raw. So real. I applaud you for being open about your anxiety. I struggle with it too, so knowing that there are other women out there who battle with it as well, is somehow strangely comforting. So, thank you for sharing on a more personal level today. You are a brave and strong woman! And P.S. I think your smile is absolutely gorgeous and your figure is amazing. :)

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  3. I can relate to your anxiety. I have the same issues with liking myself and looking a certain way. I am not happy with my body and will be getting a tummy tuck later this fall in hopes that I'll gain some self confidence back. I too do not like my legs. So much so that I don't even wear shorts so I commend that you do. You have more self confidence in that area than I do! I'm also on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med. I try to remind myself that I can't be everything to everyone. The most important people whose opinions matter are my husband and boys. Thanks for sharing this. Know you're not alone. You're a beautiful woman. God made us all different to spread the beauty in our own ways.

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  4. Caycee, you are just adorable and I love how honest you are. So glad you have made improvements with your anxiety. Everyone is struggling with something. I mostly have anxiety related to my kids and juggling life, in general. And, BTW, your smile is stunning!

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  5. Love how candid you are Caycee...I struggle with a lot of the same things. xo

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  6. Hi there. Long time reader here. I happened to be visiting Charleston and saw you out. You appeared very confident and easy going. (though, a little loud) :) But that means you were having a good time. The issue about worrying about accomplishing your day struck a chord with me. Have you ever been evaluated for ADHD? What you described it classic to those with the disorder.....
    Anyhow, just be you. The older you get the more you will realize that if you are comfortable with yourself, you will be okay with the body "imperfections", people's opinions and live free. I know. I am 44 and struggled a great deal in the past, but realized life was passing me by because I let things I couldn't or shouldn't change get under my skin. So don't let life pass you by on things that make you unique. Your teeth, your legs, your tummy, your laugh. Just be you and that is okay.

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  7. I have always been self conscious about my teeth too... that they weren't "perfect." My husband not that long ago told me that my smile is what attracted him to me in the first place. That my smile lit up my whole face and made me "me." It changed my whole opinion of my smile. It makes me "me"! How wonderful! We are not meant to be perfect. There are a million perfect smiles out there, but now I finally prefer the one that is mine. And I bet the vast majority of people out there remember a distinctive, happy smile instead of a perfect one.

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  8. Thank you for being more honest and open Caycee, it's refreshing and brave. I think we all can have similar struggles at times, I know I do. A tad of xanax helps as well at times. ;) No one's life is perfect, no matter how it's portrayed online. And I really appreciate those, like you now, who can help keep it real.

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  9. I've been a reader for a couple years and like others above love how candid you are. Thanks for being real. :)

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  10. Girl, you don't change a thing! I have been a reader of your abs Natakies blog for a few years now. Started following just to get a locals perspective on SC since we just moved here...I've never meet either of you, but know we'd be besties! Lol love your honesty, kind heart, and sense of humor! You are such an inspiration to other moms and wives! So excited for you in your families knew adventure to DI! Sounds like a wonderful place to live and raise s family! Thanks for letting us follow along in your journey! 😘 Keely

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  11. I struggle with a lot of these things too...bravo to you for being brave enough to share it. It is comforting to know I am not the only one. I think sometimes we are our toughest critics...although some people can get a close second ;-). And they suck.

    I have read your blog for awhile. I think you are beautiful and entertaining. Thank you for giving me my morning coffee "me time".

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  12. Wonderful post. Blog land is like a black hole of blogger's curated lives and sponsored content.
    This was refreshing!!

    I have 10 years on you - (though just 1 year more than you as a mother - I am a Yankee). I have anxiety. Functioning, but not as well as I'd like. I should look for a therapist and consider Rx.

    I don't wander over here too much (as I blogs, Pinterest are "bad" for me) - but I just scrolled a bit and saw your exciting move. Fun!

    Thanks for the real post! Blogland needs more of this.

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  13. Been a reader for a few years and think you are amazing! Great post- love the honesty! Your gorgeous and should never worry about that! Take care!

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  14. Can you please do a follow up Anxiety Part 4...i would love for you to finalize the series by answering the question "Why do you blog?" If you are medicated for anxiety and put yourself and your children on the internet doesn't that subject you and your children to criticism? Plus you take hundreds of selfies--some in a bikini-- and put it out to the world. So I guess I'm really confused why you expose yourself to the harsh world of commenters or sites like GOMI. That would tie everything together for readers. I don't blame you one bit for being upset by stranger comments, so why even do what you do?

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  15. Always reassuring for other women/moms to read your truth and honesty in a post like this. I think we often underestimate ourselves and our positive traits. I love the blogger and woman that you are, and so wish we lived closer to be able to catch up over coffee - real life and insecurities included. Believe in yourself lovely lady, we all do x

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  16. I feel like I could've written this! Even down to the bone graph and crown & still stressing over my smile. I'm still working on my acceptance that not everyone has to love me! Thank you for this :)

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