Monday, March 17, 2014

Anxiety..........

It's something I have struggled with all my life. There have been times in my life when I handled it better than others. As I have told you guys before I stopped taking my medicine (zoloft) that helped me deal with this when Taylor was about 5 months old.

 I thought I was ready, and I gave it a good run. I kept telling myself you've made it this long,  you don't need it anymore. I was wrong. I've noticed lately that is has gotten worse. I feel it first thing in the mornings if my to do list is too long. When it get towards the end of the day and things aren't complete.
When my kids are acting out. In a crowd of people I don't know.

 My anxiety also causes me to overanalyze every little thing that happens or that is said. It's not a good thing. I am finding it hard to concentrate on the things and the people that are most important in my life. It brings out my insecurities and makes me feel like many times I am not good enough.

I thank the Lord everyday for giving me such a special husband. He is good to me, he tries to understand, and even though he doesn't, he supports me. He listens to me ramble and cry when really he just wants to have a nice day and enjoy life.

So after many months, actually a year and a half now, I have decided to go talk to someone and get back on something to help me with this. This is something that is hard for me to talk about, because again, it brings out my insecurities. But many of you have asked about how I am doing since being off of my medication, and I always want to be honest with you all. I want you all to feel like you know me, the good, and the not so good.

I feel like life is a beautiful thing, I also feel like life is short, so I want to make sure I am living it to the fullest.


35 comments:

  1. I've found your blog recently and just love it. You have a beautiful family and I've been inspired by your weight loss! It's so refreshing to hear someone else who struggles with the same thing. I've been so stuck lately with comparison that sometimes I think I'm driving myself crazy just by over thinking everything. What a waste! It's so hard to overcome thoughts like that. I'm so glad you've found a medication that works for you. Sometimes I have to shut off Instagram or reading blogs, just so that I remember that I'm blessed with the life I have. Worrying and comparing is never going to solve anything. Wishing you the best!

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  2. Right here with you Caycee! I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. Never took meds until having really bad post-part five years ago (after twins were born). I started the same meds as you (Zoloft). I am on a very low-dose. I admit, I would love to stop it. Too scared of the added anxiety of having three kids, an old house, three cats, yada, yada, yada. There is NOTHING wrong with you taking medication! Anything that helps you be a better person, mom, friend, daughter, wife, etc. go for it! Hugs!!

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  3. Hang in there friend. I know so many people who struggle with this and I know it isn't easy. You're right - life is too short, and if being on something to take the edge off and help you enjoy life, then so be it! Everyone in your life will be happy that you've taken the steps to be the best YOU. XOXO

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  4. I second both the lovely ladies that have commented before me. I think you are AMAZING! Never met ya, so I feel like a creeper sayin" that. ; ) BUT from your Blog and Instagram you keep it real and our naturally funny and love your family! Thats what we love most about you! I too have trouble with anxiety. Mine is more at night, I start stressing about random shit then in the mourning I cant even remember...crazy. Also with similar situations you have mentioned...I feel myself kind of shut down rather than be life of the party like I used to be...not sure if the stress of being married, kids and moving away and trying to make friends as a adult (This is so difficult, so much easier when we were 12 and no one judged each other). So my ramblings are just to tell you, you are not alone and that it is ok to do what you need to do to get back to you and to be able to live the life you want. Its hormonal and chemical imbalances, completely out of our hands. Sometimes diet and exercise CAN help but a lot of the time it is just a band-aide and short term. No judging here girl, you are a INSPIRATION! You shell out a great blog EVERYDAY with everything you have going on, I wish I could do that! I make my coffee, let the dog out, and then read your blog first to start my day and hope to be in a good mood the rest of the mourning! Just think of how many people you do that for, that is pretty dame powerful girl! Knowing that I am trying to blog once a week to hopefully be able to give back and maybe help some other SAHM who need to connect with other mommas! Keep your chin up girl, lots of love sent your way! Mwah!!!!

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  5. there is NO SHAME in helping your mental health! You take care of your body, children and husband..having an operable and clear mind is needed to do all of those things!! It is hard when like you I look like a ball of SUNSHINE, and we are happy people, anxiety has nothing to do with that.. I applaud you for your honesty BUT most importantly I applaud you for taking care of YOU! XO

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  6. Good for you girlie!! That's a hard thing to even find time for with two kids and it is so awesome you're taking care of your health! I have the same issues and it is really hard and add in a couple of kiddos to the mix and it can just spiral. I completely feel for you and hope you're feeling good in no time! Sending you big hugs!! xoxo

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  7. I was just thinking how thankful I was for my husband-to-be because I had a complete meltdown on Sunday morning. But he is nice, helpful and will talk me off the ledge and help dry my tears. I worry about everything constantly. Constantly. I can't imagine dealing with the anxiety of having children just two little dogs and a fiance are hard enough. Hang in there. Life is beautiful and we are all lucky in that.

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  8. I think so many of us face the same thing maybe just to different degrees. I know so much of what you describe I feel as well. Thank you for being so honest about your experience. I've had a doctors card sitting by my computer since my youngest was a year. I really think having kids adds to anxiety. I find some nights my heart will race as I think of them growing up and experiences things that aren't so nice, and that's in addition to the anxiety of their bad behavior that day or the mess they made accidentally, or the anxiety that I'm too mean as a mother or they won't want to come to me when they are older... there is definitely so much joy though - and sometimes it's just a little hard to see it. I hope you have an easier time soon.

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  9. Takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like your doing - especially in what can be a really harsh and cruel world around the internet. Your kids and husband are so lucky to have such a strong woman to look up to and hold everything together. If only we could have more girls nights like this past weekend to help lift each other up!! But hats off to you girl, your amazing!!

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  10. You are definitely not alone. I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was a freshman in college. Want to know what triggered my first attack? Smoking pot. I kid you not, a few of us girls crammed ourselves in the dorm bathroom and smoked together. Ohhh my god, I was a wreck. I felt like I was coming in and out of reality all the while just staring at Alex Trebek on Jeopardy for what seemed like HOURS. After that I had them really often, especially late at night when I couldn't shut my brain off. My psycho butt drove to the ER many many times bc I thought I was for real dying. For the most part I have the attacks under control, but the edgy, antsy feeling of something not being right still lingers, esp during times of change. I feel ya honey, I do. A few things that have helped are deep breathing (I know, everyone says this), counting, slowly drinking cold water (I swear!!) or taking a walk outside. Sometimes the crisp air will get my mind to focus on something else. I took klonopin for a while but it made me sleepy and I wanted to find a natural alternative. Not getting enough sleep or exercise always makes it worse for me. I'll be thinking of you! xo

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  11. You go girl. I've taken meds for years. My only regret is that I didn't start years before that. Good luck.

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  12. It's like you read my mind! I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I know I have anxiety and I do my best at dealing with it. I hope you feel better soon! You are amazing Caycee and do what you need to do to feel better.

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  13. Sweet Caycee...wishing you best of luck in finding what works for you. I too struggle with some anxiety issues and have tried my hand at some meds for it. Currently being pregnant, I am not on anything and hoping I can stay that way, but only time will tell. Just breathe...do what's right for you. xoxo

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  14. Praying for you, girl. Love that you're so honest and open. Hope you get it all figured out, and that whatever works, helps ease your anxiety.

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  15. Here's to you, girl, for wearing your heart on your sleeve. Holding you close to my heart + praying for you today. Honesty is so refreshing + I am sure you are touching more lives than you even know with sharing your story!!! Xx.

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  16. Right there with you girl. I tried to get off my anxiety meds (I take Lexapro), and after like 4 months my anxiety came back even worse than it had been before. I don't want to be on medication for my whole life, but I think I'd rather be on medication that have the crippling and disabling anxiety that I dealt with before.

    Hope that you are able to find the solution that works best for you. Hang in there pretty mama!

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  17. You are amazing and I love you! I am so excited for you to start getting back on the path to dealing with your anxiety. What exciting things lie ahead for you once you get this under control and can enjoy your life again. xo

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  18. I have struggled with anxiety for the majority of my adult life. You are far from alone! The great thing is that you recognize that it's time for you to get that extra help to get you back on track. I've always tried to come off of my medication, but always required going back on. I now understand that anxiety is a part of my life and medication may have to be as well. I appreciate you sharing your struggle with the rest of us. Just know that there are others like myself who fight the same daily battle and we're all in your corner!

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  19. Caycee,
    You are amazing! You don't even know how many people's lives you help by keeping it real. Thank you for sharing and being strong enough to know when to ask for help. Xo

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  20. You girl are the real deal and I absolutely adore you.. don't ever feel like you're not good enough or doing something wrong by needing help! I swear having kids and raising young kids makes our bodies a little uh out of whack and you are not alone!! Don't think I'm crazy when I tell you I think of you as such a dear friend, even though we've never met you mean the world to me! XOXO S

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  21. Just like a diabetic needs insulin, I think some I us (me included!) need something for anxiety. There is no shame and doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with us. We just have a chemical imbalance that predisposes is to it. I applaud you for taking action and in the end it will be better for you and your family :) you have a ton of blog fans who are rooting for you to feel better :)

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  22. Girl I love how honest you are and I wish I could be this open too! I have dealt with anxiety my whole life (it runs in my family) so I understand your situation! I tend to put my anxiety on specific things so right now I'm terrified of flying- I seriously need 2 xanex and 2 glasses of wine before I even get into the airport!! Before that I was terrified of bridges and couldn't drive over them at all- I seriously wouldn't visit places because I was so scared there would be a bridge there. It was bad. It's so important to get help and take care of the problem- especially for not just yourself but for your kids and husband to get to enjoy the real you and not the freaked out version of you :) Good luck!!

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  23. You are not alone!!! I too have struggled with anxiety for quite a while. I can totally relate to over analyzing everything that was said or done. I went on anxiety meds and did great and then decided I could be okay without them and was miserable. I went back on them about nine weeks ago and feel so much more like myself. We would never question taking medication if we had high blood pressure, and anxiety is no different. Live better chemically :)

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  24. You are very brave for sharing your story. Good for you for taking your health into your hands and doing what is right for you. Better to deal with it like you are than letting it control your life. All my best to you and hoping you are feeling more like yourself soon.

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  25. I am sending love and positive vibes your way! So proud of you for being brave enough to share this...your story is surely helping someone else. Best of luck...being aware of your problems is always the first step in fixing them!

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  26. Oh Caycee. I had no idea this was something you suffered with like this. I'm sorry.

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  27. Anxiety can be so crippling. It's sounds like you are on top of it. Good for you speaking so candidly about it. Thank you!

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  28. I read your blog daily and live in Mt. P....Love your post. Asking for help is brave and I am proud of you. I think anxiety is rampant in our lives. I have dealt w this my whole life as well. Being a mom of young kids, I have 3 ( 19 m old, 5 yr old, and 8 yr old) is hard and so overwhelming at times in terms of the responsibility we feel to take care of emotional, physical, and spiritual needs, much less our selves. I always think putting the "oxygen mask" on yourself is the best care you can give yourself and family. Honesty and truth are so important - the reality of things as they are. Proud of you! Mandy

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  29. Caycee- as probably the oldest Mom and preschool drop off by-what, 5 or 10 years?
    I can tell you that in my experience it's just a cyclical thing.
    I don't have an issue with excessive anxiety right now, but I have before, and will again. I know I'll most likely be on Zoloft or need Ativan again at some point. (My husband wishes I'd get the Ativan refilled. It would have helped when we were on 95 coming back from Jekyll in the rain yesterday and I was like, "OMG we're gonna DIIEEE!". My nervous system goes all out of whack and thinks my babies are in constant threat of being hurt. It's super-fun and peaceful for everyone else in the car. ;) )

    I totally agree with you. Life is way too short not to take action when you feel like getting help can make things better!

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  30. Girl I TOTALLY know how you feel. I am THE SAME WAY. You and I know that we are a lot alike. I have the same problems and I over analyze I worry constantly and doubt myself and if I am good enough. I noticed it got worse when I moved to California in a city that I didn't know anyone. I had to get back on my medicine and I am glad I did and so is everyone around me. Sometimes we have to admit we need a little help and there is NOTHING wrong with that. I am proud of you for expressing yourself. Anxiety is a real thing and not many people understand how it feels, but I am glad you have Todd there there for you.! Call me if you ever need anything !! xoxo - Nat

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  35. Caycee! Thank you for sharing your blog with us. I love your blog and your children are so precious!

    Thank you for being so open and honest about your issues with anxiety. I really appreciate it and I know other readers do too. It makes me feel less alone to know other people are out there dealing with this, too!

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