Friday, April 26, 2013

Dirty Secret.......

I obsess! I obsess very badly, and when something gets stuck in my head it consumes me. You all know how hard I have worked to get my body back after my two babies. You have all been so amazing, supportive, and so very complimentary to me. But there is something on my body that does not look good. Honestly I would lie if I said there was a day that didn't pass that I didn't think about it. I hope by telling you this I don't come off as vain, because I am not. It's just something that I can not help, and it's pretty sad how upset it makes me. It's my stomach and the horrible stretch marks that I got with Carson. No I didn't gain a bunch of weight, I had a rare case where I gained 20lbs of fluid my last week of pregnancy. But who cares if I did gain a bunch of weight and that was the reason!  I know you're probably all thinking girl get over yourself, we all have flaws. But it has seriously become a problem that sometimes makes me cry and get into fights with Todd because all I can do is whine about it. It's my really BIG insecurity!  So yesterday while with some of my good friends I brought it up, and asked them if they honestly thought I should wear a two piece this summer or a one piece. (now I love these girls, and I wanted them to be honest). But a few of them said they would wear a one piece if they were me. Again I asked and wanted the truth, and I know they were not being mean, but I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt to hear that. I came home and cried to Todd yet again, and just felt defeated in all of my hard work. I am not sure why I am even writing this and telling you all this, but I feel like I am always open and real about my thoughts and feelings, so it seemed I needed to let it all out. Sorry to be debbie downer on Friday ladies. Hey it's sunny and Friday, things will be just fine ;)

What my stomach really looks like:

45 comments:

  1. I have stretch marks on my legs that I am insecure about, but I don't wear a wet suit to cover them up. Have you tried anything? I tried every lotion and cream out there and just quit trying when nothing seemed to work. It's definitely harder to do this than to actually say it, but just be proud of what you have accomplished. But, if you are going to let your insecurities get the best of you, I would wear a one piece just so you wouldn't have to worry about it. Do what makes YOU comfortable, not everyone else.

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  2. Kudos to you girl. That took a lot if balls to write that post. I'm dealing with spider veins on my legs after my twins birth. It looks like bruises all over my legs like someone beat the sh*t out of me! Ugh!

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  3. Do what makes you feel comfortable for the situation you will be in. (social or just family, etc.) You are a gorgeous girl with a great body that you worked hard for you will look great no matter what. Rock a one piece if you feel uncomfortable. Show off your toned arms, legs and flat stomach. Fortunately one piece swimsuits have made a big comeback and there are some super cute and sexy ones out there right now!

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  4. Wear your stretch marks as a badge of honor. You carried two healthy babies and look great. Everyone has insecurities and you are very brave to share yours openly. I truly admire your honesty.

    I say wear what makes you feel the best.

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  5. I got stretch marks after my 1st too, but got back into shape & wore a bikini last summer. I think more women should wear a bikini if you have the body, and you do! I used Trader Joe's vitamin E oil everyday and I really feel like it helped them fade in just under a year plus it's only $3 a bottle. I think a tan also helps conceal them. I say go for it! You seem like you want to wear it & you can really only see them up close, but who cares?! :)

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  6. I am in the same boat! I have worked so hard to lose weight and my stomach looks like blahhhhhh! There is an actual frown . I am the size I want to be but I am so self conscience about my stomach . You are NOT alone. Just vent to our readers & save your marriage, ha! My husband put a kibosh on the bangs or no bangs debate, obsessed much;)

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  7. Laser resurfacing will help I had a friend who did it and is very pleased! Badges of honor for sure but I totally understand and you've worked hard to get back in shape you deserve to feel 100 percent!

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  8. Hi; I have been following your blog for awhile but never commented: however, I felt so bad when I saw this post that I was inspired to say something :)
    My thoughts are: you MUST give it time!! I know you said they came from your fist pregnancy, but you had a sweet baby only a year ago as well.
    You have done a phenomenal job getting in shape--the marks will continue to improve if you stick to the course of staying in shape. Skin is remarkable in its ability to heal, BUT if you consider that 2 pregnancies=18 months, you still have 6+ months to go to see more healing take place!!
    I gained 50 lbs with each pregnancy, I was 105 and 5'5 before each one, and it takes forever to lose the weight, Usually by the year mark I would get back to my 105 weight: however at 18 months I would see another big improvement, either in the weight loss category or the stretch marks. I got horrible horrible stretch marks.
    I had the same type of fluid weight gain at the very end--recipe for marks!! You will continue to improve, I promise. And rock those 2 pieces--you have toned abs, show em off! I would console myself with the thought that the more rock hard of a 6 pack I could get, the less the stratch marks mattered! And you know what? The more I worked out and toned up, the more those marks receded.
    Stay in shape, and be patient. :) Skin is always the last thing to bounce back.
    Last thing--I also massaged coconut oil (the kind you buy at the store in a tub--it is solid but if you take a chunk and warm it in your hands it turns into oil) onto my tummy at night, and I also experimented with burn scar creams. Not sure if that helped--it def can't hurt!!

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  9. I say flaunt what you worked hard to achieve. I don't think other people notice our flaws as much as we do (my stomach is covered in stretch marks). If you feel more comfortable and confident in a one piece then you should wear it. But if you are comfortable in a bikini - I say rock it! You look fantastic! I think we live in the same neighborhood(Carolina Bay?) - you will find me in a bikini all summer and I'll even compare marks with you while watching our beautiful babies play in the pool :)

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  10. Like you, I've lost weight (50 lbs last year) and there's no way in hell I'm going to NOT wear a 2 piece b/c of the stretch marks on my stomach! I got them during the last month of my pregnancy (almost 8 yrs ago) and they're still there. I don't know if they'll ever go away but I think your stomach looks FABULOUS! Wear your bikinis and wear them proudly :)

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  11. Your are beautiful, and have a kickass body. I understand your insecurity, because let's face it we are all hard on ourselves. You need to squash your insecurities, and be proud! I have implants and during my first pregnancy one ruptured. I have been living with one popped boob ever since! Bathing suit time is a serious cry fest! I will get them fixed once I am finished breastfeeding..but for now I am a mom and as sad and vain as I am about my boobs, I have to tell myself that I need to be proud of my body, down a boob and all! Hope I made you smile.

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  12. Girl you look amazing! I wouldn't take your friends advice as an insult, they probably are just modest and think you should be wearing a one piece! If you are insecure about your stomach there are ways to improve-- have you heard of wrapping? I've seen dramatic results with that. I'm not sure if that's an option for you or not or if you care.. just a suggestion if it bothers you that much. I think you look awesome though!

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  13. Don't let stretch marks keep you from wearing a 2 piece if that's what you really want to wear. I see moms with rockin' bodies at the pool every summer wearing bikini's stretch marks and all and the fact that they don't care is what makes other people not notice them. There are some lasers that are out there that help to diminish the look of stretch marks and tighten the skin as well (I think Thermage is one of them). Also, put some self tanner on your tummy and it will tan the skin including your stretch marks unlike suntanning that only tans the skin and not the scars.
    If I was you, I would wear a 2pc!!!

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  14. The times when you feel like your stomach is less than beautiful, look down at your two little angel babies and remember that kickass stomach is what helped them grow! :) You look fantastic, seriously, and should be so proud of how far you've come.

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  15. Hey, sweetie! I just wanted to share my story with you. I started doing the It Works Body Wraps a couple of weeks ago. I just posted my belly pics here:

    http://www.dailydoseofdelsignore.com/2013/04/it-works-body-wraps-2nd-wrap-results.html

    It may help you out if it really bothers you. I think you're doing a fabulous job, but I can understand how you feel! I've been a reader for a while. I hope you will follow my blog when you get a moment.

    Good luck! You are looking great!

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  16. You look great! I'm sure in time they will fade even more, and in the mean time you've worked so hard it seems at getting back into your pre-baby shape, flaunt it!

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  17. Don't you dare wear a one piece, Caycee! You look amazing, it's tough sharing insecurities, but I promise WE beat ourselves up the most. Guaranteed no one pays any attention to those stretch marks because there are so many wonderful things about your appearance and personality that outshine the flaw that consumes (only) you! Wear the two piece proudly, you are beautiful.

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  18. Just came back to clarify that MY stomach looks blahhhhh. Not yours! You look so amazing !!! Wear a two piece for sure !!! So proud of all your hard work:)))

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  19. Oh my goodness! You should ROCK that two-piece like nobody's business! And be proud of your pregnancy battle scars - you've got some beautiful babes from those stretch marks. We ALL have problems, but I don't think a few squiggly lines on amazing abs should be one of yours!!!!

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  20. Girl, you have KILLED it at the gym and you have an outstanding figure. The only people that are going to get close enough to you to see your stretch marks are people that know you and know why they are there.

    Everyone else will be staring at you and envious that you have two kids under five and look hotter than most 22 year olds!

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  21. Caycee,

    Your belly is my belly, well, yours is much more toned than mine. In fact, I see you totally fit and I wish I had it all together like you. You inspire me.

    After my twins, who are almost 11 months now, my belly is full of stretch marks. Reading your post felt like I was talking about me. I feel like I can't wear a two piece anymore. I have been agonizing over it. My stomach use to be my favorite body part. Little by little I am becoming more comfortable with the marks and seeing them as storytellers. They tell the story of Emmy and Charlie. How they grew in me, the love they represent between their father and I. My brother said they are my tiger stripes and I earned them. He says if they bother other people that is on them not on me. I should be proud of how hard I worked at growing two healthy children to full term. These scars represent the love I have for them. This way of thinking has really helped me. I may even wear a bikini this summer.

    I'll make a deal with you. I live on Johns Island. Lets have a play date on the beach this summer. I'll wear a bikini if you wear yours. And let's make sure we have booze on hand, you know, cause this mama still needs a bit of courage. Message me if you want to take me up on this offer. Oakley.joanna@gmail.com

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  22. Oh my, Caycee - I wish we could go out for drinks and have a chat. First of all, yes, you can totally get away with a bikini. At least you have some defined lines, which is more than I can say for most of the horror I see running around in 2-pcs 'round these parts. To each their own - if you want to wear one, then rock it. Proudly. YOU HAVE WORKED HARD. If you're unsure, then you know what, there are some great 1-pc suits on the market too. Either way, don't let your insecurity about this consume your life or put a downer on everything you worked for. xoxo
    -Morgan of Style Oyster

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  23. I say where the two piece if you want!! You have a way better bod than I do, and I haven't had kids. I'm so inspired by you lately and how great you look. I've started eating better and have joined a gym in my office building. I hope to look only half as good as you do in your bikini!! Also, I'm so impressed with how open you are. We do all have insecurities and there are times too my husband also tells me to quit talking about certain things that he's tired of hearing about, so that's what's great about girl friends of blog friends! They never get tired of listening to us. Enjoy a beautiful weekend.

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  24. Oh girlfriend! You have an AMAZING body!! I too have stretch marks except mine are on my hips and I obsess about them as well. You worked hard to get your body in kick ass shape and your husband loves you and your body so rock that 2 piece! Not alot of women look like you do and have 2 beautiful babies...do it. You only live once :)

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  25. I've never commented before, but I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful and you should be incredibly proud of all of your hard work. Your body looks amazing and you look GREAT in a 2 piece. If I saw you at the beach I honestly wouldn't focus on the marks, I would just see a girl who is in really good shape.

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  26. Everyone has a serious insecurity or two that really puts on damper on things. Mine changes from decade to decade. In my thirties, I have developed hormonal back acne. Yuck, I know. That's why you don't see me in backless dresses, etc. I'm completely embarrassed by it even if no one else notices. It's just my issue. My belly these days isn't so lovely. I have cellulite on mine. Lovely little cottage cheese dimples. I pick and choose when and where I wear my two pieces and have some cute tankinis to rotate in on my not so toned days/months/seasons. You look amazing. Do what YOU feel confident and comfortable with. That's the only thing that matters.

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  27. I have stretch marks all over my body. Where your bikinis sister.

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  28. NO ONE will notice your stretch marks-they will be too distracted by your rock hard abs!

    If it is REALLY an issue and killing your self esteem, I would look into some treatments that may lessen the look. Have you tried anything?

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  29. Even with stretch marks, you're going to look better than 99% of the moms out there who try to rock a bikini. I say go for it. Stretch marks are better than a big ol' muffin top! Of course, there are also some sexy one-pieces out there, too.

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  30. I have stretch marks all over my body! Honey, Rock that two piece like your posing for a magazine photo shoot and be proud!!!!

    This post really made me feel more comfortable about my body.

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  31. You know what's sad? I was too insecure in my early twenties to feel happy in a tw piece and spent way too much time thinking about my belly while I should have been out having fun. Oh, and I was tall and skinny and you bet I looked damn good in that bikini. But it didn't matter, I didn't love me in it. Now I only wish I had the stomach I used to loathe back. I know in ten years it will be the same cycle of regret. So I say ROCK that two piece all summer long. Wear a smile knowing that everyone else will see your toned body and think damn, that's a hot mom!

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  32. Rock that two piece! No one is going to get as close to your stomach as that picture allows. You can't even tell in the other photos you've posted. You should be proud of the work you've done to get into such great shape! My husband constantly reminds me that my stretch marks are badges of honor. I think he's just being sweet, but it is true.

    I've found that when I look back at old pictures of me, I realize that I didn't appreciate the way I looked and wish that I would have relished in my appearance before it was gone. When I'm down on myself these days I try to remember that. It's probably not gonna get any better, so I better live it up while I can!

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  33. You rock that 2 piece mama! My belly looks even worse and I still need to loose the baby weight, but you posting that picture just gave me the drive to loose the weight because I want to look good again!
    Thanks

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  34. OK, first of all you look amazing, I promise!! I am about your height but not nearly as in shape as you. I had amazing abs before two babies and loved my body. I wore two pieces from age 16 to 30. Unless I hit the lottery and have a total tummy reconstruction I could never wear a two piece again because of stretch marks. There is just no way I would feel comfortable I think mainly just because of the body I had pre baby. I think you look amazing and you need to do what you are most comfortable with. You have two beautiful children, that's what is most important. Now, go have fun!!! :)

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  35. First of all it's so awesome that you shared this with us! You are already braver than me! I say rock that 2 piece- you have worked so hard you deserve it! Have you tried Vitamin E oil? I scar really badly and people have been telling me for years to use vitamin E on my scars to fix them- so maybe give it a try- it can't hurt right!?

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  36. Hi Caycee. Just like others have said previously, you look AH-MAZING! You have worked your ass off - literally! You are a young, beautiful girl who carried 2 healthy, beautiful babies to term. Something I know you are proud of and grateful for. However, I also know how incredibly hard we, women, can be on ourselves. So I can totally relate to your dismay about the stretch marks. I have 3 children and, while I was blessed not to get any stretch marks, after my 3rd I have ended up with an umbilical hernia (minor). It's not horrendous - I don't have a total "outtie", but it really bothers me. It's like my belly button is "winking" at you! ;-). Also, while I am in pretty good shape (ESP. For being being 40), I won't wear a 2 pc. B/C of my navel. Also while my tummy is flat and even has some definition, the skin lost so much elasticity after my 3rd pregnancy so it looks a little "crepey"...is that a word?! If you push the skin together, it's all wrinkly. Lovely. *sigh*. I think you look fantastic and should totally rock a bikini. But, I also know that YOU have to be comfortable with this. So you do what's best for you. Just remember..we are our own worst critics!

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  37. Oh, and also...I HATE my boobs. Three children + age 40 + gravity = no bueno! ;-). I am 5' 4" weigh 128 lbs. and have a medium frame. But I am a 34D and totally not comfortable with being so busty. ESP when they are far from perky! So don't think for one minute that I haven't had a consult w/a plastic surgeon to have a breast reduction and lift! Was totally set to do it 2 years ago & had to cancel for multiple reasons. I still wanna do it, but it's not cheap. And I can't say I'm thrilled with the idea of going under "general" and the recovery. :(

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  38. I think its all about doing what you feel most comfortable in! If your comfortable in a two piece then by all means, rock it! You worked SO hard to get in such awesome shape and you look amazing! You have two beautiful angels to show and everyone has things their insecure about but you honestly look amazing!

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  39. Hi,

    I just came across your blog. I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in January, and I understand how you're feeling. It will take time to get comfortable in your skin again. This is how I see it! You gained stretch marks carrying the most valuable thing you'll ever have, your child. It's so worth it, and you won't be here forever so don't let the stretch marks keep you from living. Enjoy yourself and all the hard work you put into getting back to shape. If it bothers you so much conceal it with makeup or tanning lotion :) Your honesty is so refreshing and makes me smile.

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  40. OH MY GOD THIS MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! Mine looks the same! I'm so glad you posted b/c in all your other bikini shots you can't see it and I was like...Girl got lucky! Listen, you do what is comfortable for you. MODG did a great post on one piece vs two piece. My extra skin and cellulite on my stomach is not pretty but you know what.....I think at the beach with my family i might rock a two piece!

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  41. We all have battle wounds from being pregnant! I have acne scars on my face and back. You can't hide that with a one piece. And let's not forget about the "girls". After a year of nursing and the milk dried up, I am left with flat pancakes. Or as Nick has so kindly said "deflated whoopie cushions". I totally see why people get boob jobs after kids.

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  42. Girl. I can't thank you enough for putting this out there. I have two little ones close in ages to yours, and I work full-time. I have to run on my lunch break just to get in a workout. And it gets so frustrating. You just totally want to give in to the mom jeans. But I don't want to be the frumpy mom. The one that's too tired to play, our too embarrassed to put on a swimsuit at the pool. I want to coach their cheer teams and swim with them and everything else. So, that's what I use as my motivation. FEELING better, rather than looking better. I can't control how I perceive that I look, but I can tell when I feel healthier. And now that I can tote these girls upstairs without getting winded, I know it's paying off.

    But it's easy to get caught-up in the vanity end, especially when we see how amazing you look!

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  43. Girl. I can't thank you enough for putting this out there. I have two little ones close in ages to yours, and I work full-time. I have to run on my lunch break just to get in a workout. And it gets so frustrating. You just totally want to give in to the mom jeans. But I don't want to be the frumpy mom. The one that's too tired to play, our too embarrassed to put on a swimsuit at the pool. I want to coach their cheer teams and swim with them and everything else. So, that's what I use as my motivation. FEELING better, rather than looking better. I can't control how I perceive that I look, but I can tell when I feel healthier. And now that I can tote these girls upstairs without getting winded, I know it's paying off.

    But it's easy to get caught-up in the vanity end, especially when we see how amazing you look!

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  44. I would wear a two piece. you are lovely- and I don't sugar coat things!

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